so kiss me under da milky twilight (:

What does your handwriting say about YOU?

boo. my manicure is ruined ): think im goin t get another one done on monday whn i meet siew (: i need him considerin fishy is still havin a good time in bangkok ): pls come back quick fish. no, no one has tld me its a joke yet.. ):

yes. call me da cheena pok queen. whtevr, i dnt care. jake jst sent me this song, and she sents me this kinda song at like knn, da perfect timing la. whn da clouds are rolling outside, and there are thunder crackling. bt well, thnks for caring jake.

everyone seems t knw smth is wrg, t knw tt im slowly breakin down, everyone but you.. are you pretendin t not hear wht you hrd, t not see wht you saw, and not feel wht you felt? why are we doing wht we are doing? why do you go on like nth is wrg? -tears someone jst tell me this is some fking sick april fool's joke. i love you. and tts no joke.

i get da picture now. aft endless askin ard wht tt two sentences of da song meant, (and everyone came up wit a different version) i went online t search and found it. da gravity of da situation is jst not quite sinkin in as yet. and i thk its not gg t sink in until you tell me in person, this is it. wht baffles me mst is tt, all these cnt evn wait till i go ovr in another wht, 7 days? it breaks my hrt t feel as tho you wnt a clean break frm me right now. it tears me into two, knwin your mind hesitated whn i asked abt holdin hands. youre no longer tt girl who's so hopeful and promised me many happy memories, tt girl whom i wna create happy memories wit, tt girl whom i created happy memories wit whn she was still in sgp, tt girl whom i fell so crazily in love wit, and now, evth has chged, in (ironically) such a short span of time. are you still da same girl i knw? cos ive not chged, still holdin on t wht i promised you, and i will alws be keepin those 3 promises. (well technically two now) ive nv given up on you wyn, you promised youd hold on -tears

have i not tried hard enough? was my best jst simply not good enough? da same feelings are comin back t haunt me agn. da story is rly jst gg t end da same way, tt it alws does.

true, this long-d thingy is harder thn anyone thought and we're beginnin t see how its jst drainin our energy. i.. jst dnt knw wht t say anymore. wht can i say? tt two verse frm da songs, tells me a story of how you rly feel. bt i still wna have a great time wit you whn i go ovr, promise me tt for tt space of two weeks, bring all da good times tt we shared in sgp tgt back; bring it all back. and aft that, we'll jst do things your way..

tts gemma's fears, not mine. i ripped it off her blog, bt its queer, cos i feel da exact same fears she does. and her blog's song like how sad la. i feel your fears too gem, i guess, i cn say t a certain extent i cn rly understand how you feel. jst tt your story will end wit a (: i hope renn and you will go far dear -huggs

i dnt rly need anth/anyone else but you. id give anth for you t feel half da way i do. i love you.

tdy passed by in a blur. my hrt grows heavier wit every thought of whts been done and said, more so whts going t be done and said in a few days' time. i read your blog, and i cnt understand da first two lines of da song, bt i knw wht da second two lines mean. and i wont say for sure, tt its goin t be a disney-like happy endin shld i cling on so hard t this rltp (or for da matter, make you cling on so hard too), and not let go, bt i rly dnt wna give up without tryin. da beginnin is alws da toughest, and for now, i hardly have time t spare bcos of work. and trust me, all i do is crazy-work every single day so i cn be a dollar closer t being wit you. everyone wnts e best of both world, if i cld, i rly dnt wnt t work, and id rly rather spend all my time talkin t you. baby, i knw nths rly da same anymore. i feel like such a burden t you. makin you hold on so hard jst bcos of selfish me.. i knw youre tired. i am too, bt thoughts of strollin down pretty beaches, soakin up e melb sun tgt wit you is rly whts keepin me goin. rly, YOU are whts keepin da fire in me burnin. i tremble wit tears as i blog wyn, i rly didnt expect things t take such a drastic turn. i rly want all these t be jst some sick joke or prank, for you t tell me tt you will still be ard t take my hand and walk dwn tt beach tgt. bt tts hardly da story anymore right? for wht its worth, im rly still clingin on. and if i cld have one wish, id wish for you t be holdin on t da faith, da faith of our rltp..

im bored stiff, think im goin t head t bed soon wit my storybook and music. da adults are talkin and sippin red wine, so noisy tt ive t sit one corner, stick my earphones into my ear and listen t my music real loudly t shut off their noise ):

nothing's da same anymore, is it?

jam says:
if you want to make her happy, youve got t be happy yourself first
and you kissed me says:
bt i will be happy only whn she is!

i will rly be happy whn she is. are you happy hons? well, i guess i knw da answer dear. bt stick ard for a while more yes? i rly wna make you happy (:

da sister jst passed me da ticket+visa and evth. a part of me is psyched, wantin t jst straway pack my luggage and leave on da jet plane now t see her. bt thn agn, a huge part of me is scared bcos this trip dwn under wld either make or break this rltp. im thkin da latter is wht might jst happen. da convo jst broke my hrt, my world shattered.

i cnt wait t see her and tell her in words how much i missed her and love her. how much i wna spend da rest of my days there wit her. i cnt wait t finally sink into her embrace, t finally be able t kiss her and show her how much she rly means t me.

i want all of this t be a bad dream. someone jst tell me this isnt happenin, tt she isnt feelin da way she is. nxt friday seems t takes forevr t come. its like, half of me yearns for nxt fri t come, bt another half of me is dreadin for wht might happen whn we finally see each other. i dnt need any sympathy nor goodwill, all i rly need is you. i feel like, evth has chged, nths da same anymore, evn if i do go ovr, wht can i rly say, wht can i rly do t chge her mind? da leg of this race is almost ovr darl, its da last sprint alrdy, dnt give up on us now.

messi. says:
her mind seems pretty set
messi. says:
i dunno man. u can still go over and work ur magic
messi. says:
fairy tales can come true
and you kissed me says:
god, as true as tt is, and as much as i dnt wna admit it, its true tt her mind seems pretty set
messi. says:
somewhere in u, u know its gonna be hard too la.
and you kissed me says:
i do.
and you kissed me says:
and im tryin t push tt thought far far away
messi. says:
oh ok
messi. says:
sounds like im like the devil trying to pull it back nearer
and you kissed me says:
smtimes you need tt devil t bring you back dwn t earth t face da cruel reality.

thnks for being da devil siew. alws there t lend me a listening ear (or in this case, readin eye) da first thing i txted you. well youve been online da whole time la, bt i still love you.

no one evr said this wld be easy and i, for one thing knw this is nv goin t be easy, and da fact tt we both tried in da first plc, is praise-worthy enough. i dnt ask for much, i jst hope tt my lil fairytale comes true; tt you will stay by my side and not leave. it hasnt been easy on you i knw, and how taxing it is, i knw too. i hope you thk back on da days we had tgt and find a (: spread across your face, cos tts how im holdin on. as bleak and as unrealistic all this may seem, i still love you wyn. youre still da one i want and need..

i actually have a lot t say, (a lot t say t wyn) bt somehow, i cnt find da words tt i shld say.

baby, i wont evn try t hide da fact tt i cn be a very vulnerable girl. like you knw i cry ovr da slightest thing. its true we shld learn t be strg for ourselves cos our other halves wont alws be there t give us a lift or steer us in da right direction. bt i cnt help da fact tt smtimes, da missin rly gets so bad, and work is so tirin tt all i wna do is jst hide in one corner and cry, cos tt seriously makes me feel better.

i also wont try t deny tt i dnt like talkin on da phone, bt on da contrary you relish in long phone convos. its not tt i detest talkin on da phone, i jst dnt like da awkward silences and ive had bad experiences tts why. like how youre a verbal person, im more da, face-t-face, and letter-writing kinda girl. i express myself better if we talk face t face, i express myself best through ltrs.

This whole thing is just not working out. i.. knw you said this for a good reason, and whtevr reason tt may be, i respect it. every wakin moment, i jst pray somehow, these words will not find da way t you, bt thn agn, somehow it did. if for any reasons i shld cry, its for da fear tt you might say this one day, tt i cry. i dnt knw how my hands can tremble as i blog this now. im afraid of so many things wyn.. mst of all, im afraid of you leavin me ):

10 more days baby, will you be holdin on like i will?

one shldnt ask for too much hey? im tired. my legs are aching. and i still have t be at work in an hour and a half's time. my eyes are sore from cryin. theres jst this heavy irksome feelin lingerin insyd me and it will not go, until i knw evth is still da same. i dnt wna get used t this kinda life wout you. bye bye world.

i kinda realised i like damien rice's the blower's daughter altho rly, half da song, i dnt knw wht da fuck hes singin bt thrs jst smth abt his voice tts very subtle yet strong. lately, i jst keep repeatin tt song. its a very very sad song tho. you guys shld take a listen thn listen t da backgrd, da guitar and vocalist are a match mde in heaven, da fusion of them tgt jst blows me away. and i dnt knw why, i nv fail t tear everytime i listen t this beautiful song...



each day, i nv fail t refresh my memory wit evth beautiful. i cling on so hard whn rly, im on da brink of fallin and slippin, will you catch me if i fall? will you pick me up? will you be there t put on a band aid for me if i injure myself? will you be there t catch my tears whn i cry? will you bend whn im broken? dnt slip further away frm me baby. tell me you wont forget abt us. tell me evth is ok and fine bcos this love has got me blind, and i cnt break this spell, i cnt evn try. i honestly fell too far this time.. i knw you want girls who cn be strong for themselves, who arnt vulnerable, bt whts a girl t do whn da one person she wants t be wit mst is 7hrs+ away, da one person she wants t bare her hrt t mst is miles and miles away, da one person she loves now is jst so far away? i love you wyn. so much, so much.

da cookin went awfully wrg ): okay i knw i procrastinated for da longest time before draggin myself down t da supermkt, bt all da kang kong were sold out. thn back at home, da pasta i mde, omg, it sucked la. seriously, da pasta was tasteless if not for my lil bacon, onions, garlic and whtnot. i had one mouth and i was like, "omg i cnt make wyn eat this!!" da only decent dish tt i cld make, was da omelette, bt hell, ANYBODY can fry an omelette ): i was majorly bummed and demoralized. i ate my own cookin, it wasnt tt bad la, cos i fried some gyoza and had them wit my very tasteless pasta. so well, tt was my dinner ):

i txted wyn tellin her i was sry cos i cnt seem t cook for nuts la. ive got t be THE lousiest girlfriend, cnt evn learn t cook a decent meal. boo, hurrs, wyn evn offered t cook for me instd (: isnt wyn like da swtest? but tts not da point, THE point is, im supposed t be able t whip up a decent meal, bt quite clearly i cnt la.

ahh, found this song somewhr, forgot who sent it t me, bt this kinda song jst puts a (: across your face doesnt it?

hah da moment i woke up, i jst sat in frt of my lappie and started watchin da girl nxt door which is rly a great way t start my cloudy saturday (: i had tau heuy which daddy bought and jst relished in da goodness of a chick flick. elisha cuthbert has da face of an angel, i swear. altho technically she is a pornstar in da movie bt god, shes pretty pretty!! -swoons everyone shld jst watch da show la. siew, i LURRRRVE da show, you sure didnt recommend wrgly, tho it took me a while t get down t downloadin da show (since video ezy doesnt have it) and actually watchin it (: this is my girl nxt door, elisha cuthbert



okay she might not look very angelic ovr here, bt doncha think she has da word swtness spelt all ovr her? -smiles you guys might find her familiar bcos she acted in da hse of wax! yes, shes tt HOT HOT HOT girl, chad michael murray's sister in da show (: hah, siew, da kiss was rly awesome, how matthew jst excuse me and planted tt kiss on her, goodness. wht a first kiss for them (:

alrighty im gg t da supermkt t get my veggies and groceries, mummy asked me t buy handtowels and whtnot ): goin t hit da showers. elisha elisha elisha, my swt swt angel!

i'll be cookin dinner ltr (: i thk only daddy and i will be eatin anyways, daddy is alws da unselfish one willin t try anth i do -beams shall head t supermkt tmr and get all da essentials, so i might not be able t learn t make an aft-meal dessert frm jeanette, (no worries girlie, its totally fine, aft you come back is cool too!) i cn alws try making agar agar, tts easy peasy, right? da ge tld me abt bakin oreo cheesecake, and da way he said it, it sounds pretty easy! so i cnt wait t lay my hands on learnin tt as well (: ah im such a domestic girl of late la!

anyways, i feel like redecoratin my room. stupid sister bought so many plastic drawers t put her bags and clothes, and now tt she has moved t her new plc, da plastic drawers look so ugly in my room la. i shall get rid of them and probably head t ikea or smth t buy some stuff t redecorate my room. oooo! i wna paint my room too! well, talk is easy, gettin down t do it is another story altgt ):

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will only have one true love. You're a little scarred from your past relationships, but who isn't? It's important to you that your lover is very attractive. You like to have someone to show off. In fights, you are able to walk away and calm down. You are able to weather the storm. You have a hard time ending relationships, even if the other person says it's over.

ripped this quiz off pau's blog (: hmm..oddly true i shld say? bt regardin da fights, i will nv be able t walk away and calm down. i cnt walk away frm a fight if im not in da wrg. and im not so sure abt being strg enough t weather da storm. boo, i miss da vie ):

okay. teehee. i was actually goin t spring a surprise on da girlfriend, surprise of da century in fact bt thn she actually found out abt it cos my partner in crime admitted t her tt i was flyin ovr on da 6th and wyn wanted t surprise ME instd at da airport. bu hao wan le la -pouts

so anyways, i lied. abt da whole jpn thingy. muahaha. cos its one of my many ideas of another surprise of da century BUT i had t confirm my flight and shit so i tld wyn in da end, cos agn, my partner in crime didnt reply my msg on friendster ): boo, i shall choose a more efficient partner in crime nxt time (: i dnt knw whether wyn bought my story abt da whole sister-draggin-me-t-jpn thingy cos haha, it cldnt be true la. if my sister rly did tt, i wld take a dagger and kill her in her sleep, bt she wldnt, so i wont have t kill her as well.

anyways, im flyin ovr on da 7th and coming back only on da 24th, yup. i knw, tts da first day of school, which im goin t give a miss as well as da second, since my flight will only reach sgp at like 0100. yayness (: no needa hide frm da girlfriend anymore.

i thk i might be runnin a fever, cos i feel so cold now, evn aft switchin da aircon off. boohoo. i didnt get caught under da rain wht, why am i sick? ): thk its due t da lack of sleep, i slept at 6+ last night, and woke up at 3 whn i cld rly sleep in considerin i dnt have t work tonight. ):

goin t meet up wit da sister for prata at jln kayu ltr, tt neh neh still dnt wna call me. shes takin her own fkin swt time t come pick me up. thn agn, why am i not surprised? she booked da tickets for me t go jpn wit her alrdy. great. she booked it on da 7th, its a one mth ticket, bt im shakin her off aft two weeks or less, cos #1, my hols are indefinite, #2, HELLO, I MISS THE GIRLFRIEND, THANK YOU VERY MUCH, #3, she ruined my plans fer me t visit wyn earlier. i will be flyin t melb frm jpn, hang on wyn (:

honestly, tryin t make smth work alone rly isnt fun. i want so much t jst tell her whts been gg on, so much t tell her tt id feel a lil better if she reciprocates. bt tt wld jst defeat da purpose of evth. i want so much t tell her how sad and empty i feel, bt thn agn, tt wld be being..whts tt word? oh unreasonable. whtevr. come wht may.

i went t candy empire tdy (: given such a cute name, i thk it shld be a lil more colorful and like be a lil more like da chocolate factory? bought a lot of swts, and boy am i a happy lil girl (: hung out wit mummy mstly tdy. went t buy da tickets for jpn+melb tdy. boohoo. brenda's gg t be a poor lil girl soon. im hvin a headache. fuck. wheres da sister?!?!?!?! SCREAMS.


-drools honestly, my mouth is like wide opn. how cn anyone be so HOT?